Sunday, October 05, 2008

Try a little tenderness...

There are numerous times when I wonder what the hell goes on in my life in regards to my personals. Like a grasshopper I jump into any given opportunity to find what I am looking for, only to often find myself being let down by my expectations. I have had enough of it though. Been drawn by politeness and calmness in one's character, I realize that things are not what they seem when it comes to courtship. The majority of men want to lead you down to a sexual encounter, in order to fulfill their fantasies and/or find a way to express their sexual instincts with the company of a woman, if they happen to be heterosexuals.

What about the sentiments? When a man feels for you, he shows it one fine day. Even a macho guy knows how to break his girlfriend's heart with a notion or a statement. If he just wants to have fun, as they call it, a plain "have fun" whatever that means in their heads, he just acts as a programmed male who wants to get laid and that's it. Finitto!

I, as a woman, cannot act like that. It's not in my nature to think as such. I need my brain to be stimulated by the way a man comes on to me. If he's part of the above mentioned category of "get laid and leave", then it's no good, it's a turn off from the start.

I admire men who know how to play the waiting game and don't rush into suggesting you sex from the very beginning. Yes, sex is a natural process and making love is a social pattern to come closer to an erotic partner and enjoy the physical contact, but what lies in between of those two?

Men tend to like women for their physical features, such as breasts, buttocs, hair, lips etc, making a direct insinuation to sexual contact. I often listen to R n B songs stating how much the guy loves the ass of a lady, or her other body features, making no referral to who she really is, her character. As long as he likes a certain part of you, it's enough to come on to you?

Women on the contrary, not only like a man for his appearance but they find personality traits to cling in to him and like him, often putting second the fact he's not Mr. Perfect in terms of his looks. A combination that can carry both is more than welcomed, but we are not looking for Mr. Damn Sexy down the road from the first time we lay eyes on him. It's his charm and way of approaching that makes us feel enchanted.

We need to be a part of the fairy tale, the one that Cinderella finds her Prince Charming out of the blue, one way or the other. We like to be treated as someone special in his life. We enjoy seeing him act as a gentleman and find little excuses to hit it on to us, while knowing his goal is to guide us into his love nest (or ours...) for having the sex he has on his mind.

Recently I couldn't keep myself from asking the "now what?" question to my erotic partner, only to find him turn down any possibility of our contact becoming a relationship. "I just want us to have a good time when we see each other" he replied and I felt devastated by his statement. He was telling the truth from his point of view, no wonder, but as a person who acts sentimentally, I was let down by him by the time he told me so. I need to have something to believe in when it comes to relationships, I cannot act like a horny human being, who all she wants is to make out and being fucked by her suitor or lover. Sorry, it's no go!

There's so much pleasure and excitement to the act of love making between two partners who are attracted to each other. You feel like exploring a terra incognita, an unknown territory that is, which is by nature a factor to feel turned on by the whole thing. The way you make your partner become aroused and eventually cum into a blast of bodily fluids and psychological ecstasy, is a precious gift to be cherished by both. The way a male knows how to bring down the inhibitions of a female, the exchange of physical and mental stimuli, the abandonment of Ego for the sake of the Unity, is unparalleled!

I don't know shit about what happens in the minds of men of in their middle or late 30's these days. I guess they fantasize that there are too many willing cocumbines around to offer them the sexual excitement they're looking for, but in reality many of them are lonely people, leading an ordinary and at many times, dull life, which is deprived from a close steady relationship, which in other cases, would offer them the incentive to be committed. I am sorry to admit that there are people who are focusing on virtual sex on internet sites more, instead of exposing themselves into a real encounter within their social environment. It was never of my liking though.

Getting to know one person socially is one thing and flirting is another. In any case, a man who is not acting like a sexually deprived person is so much desirable than the other way around. Men who don't have sex regularly, go crazy over it when they live without it. But before that, there are so many things to consider on a woman's point of view and guess what the consideration is paying off when you loose a bit of your egoistic drives and start thiknking as a human being with a brain in his head and not in his penis. Even the male organ needs to be second best in order to conquer the castle of desire and unrevealed hedonism.

As far as I am concerned, all I am asking in a man, is a VERY BIG HUG to find a safe haven within and a LITTLE TENDERNESS to begin with... and the rest is yet to come!

Michael Buble - Try a little tenderness

Marialena, 4/10//2008


betabug said...

"I don't know shit about what happens in the minds of men of in their middle or late 30's these days."

I don't know what these guys think either, all I know is that every time in *my* last couple of relationships, I thought "let's keep this light and easy" in the beginning, only to find me more and more emotionally involved. When the relationship breaks up finally (not going into reasons here), the pain is so much worse. The next time I think: "OK, but let's keep it light and easy *this* time."

Marina said...

You are a real princess looking for Mr. Right in times when nothing goes right including men't brains.
If I were you, I would change targets. I would stop searching for dream webs (cause there aren't any) and start looking for the qualities any person has. In other words I would drop my wishes and look at reality.

Marialena said...

My oh my... I love it when friends come together and talk about a given issue, such as this one:

@ Betabug: Sascha dear, I love it when men show their inner felt emotions to me, without becoming null and hysteric. A man is so much completed when he is in touch with his soft and powerful sides of him, instead of pretending to be, but he falls into the trap.

I prefer people to be well intended and honest, with a touch of politeness and respect towards me, as I like to behave. It depends upon the person you will court to see how much she endeavours your feelings or she's just in another galaxy.

I am glad you behave as such and you are true to yourself mainly. I hope we get together for coffee soon, now that I' m back in town. We'll be in touch!

@ Marina: Emoi, princess? You gotta be kidding me my dear! Yes, I am looking for somebody who knows what he wants in life and is not a subject to confusion whatsoever. I can do with not liking me for a reason or more, but I just can't stand the swing between the I like you-I like you not enough to be with you in a normal relationship. Gee honey!

People don't seem to realize that we are wasting precious time fooling around and messing our lives up for no reason. If you are not in touch with yourself, then you miss the whole thing.

It's a part of me to be romantic, I cannot deny it, but as you suggest, there's only one way to follow and that is to be realistic in my longings. I try Marina, I try to keep myself together and move on from any misbehaved situation in any aspect of life.

Immaturity doesn't make any sense to my personals any longer. Carpe diem and we'll see...

Marialena said...

Ακόμα και τα σχόλια στα αγγλικά βρε παιδιά, τι να πω, το κατευχαριστήθηκα, αν και το θέμα προσφέρεται για ουσιώδεις συζητήσεις και ανταλλαγή απόψεων!

Σας φιλώ!

graffic said...

"I'm a man and I've been made into a stereotype".

I don't know why men are put into the stereotype of "nice breasts and nice hips" only. At the same time I don't know why women put themselves in the "Inside first, outside second". These are just a bunch of stereotypes. I guess everyone here have examples for any kind of behavior, so I won't enter in the "I know someone.." discussion.

You had an experience you didn't like. You expected more, but you didn't ask until it was too late. This happens often if you hide what you feel. Is this my personal experience? perhaps :)

Should I say that women live in a parallel world? And when they try to synchronize the contents of their minds with the real world a huge conflict occurs. Warning stereotype.

We, humans, like a lot to go by ourselves: alone and creating our ideas. Teamwork is something that's not on our genes unless something big and bad threatens us. This is like editing a document by two people at the same time: if both don't cooperate they will end up writing the same chapter but with different contents.

I'm quite sorry to say that we don't have a tag under our armpit saying: "Sweet, heavy metal guy, wash only at 40 deg.". So it's time to improve our skills on "looking for the right partner". I'll apply this too.

Best regards,

Marialena said...

Dear Graffic, welcome to my page and thank you for your comment.

I have to say that what I asked for in this unfortunate relationship at the very beginning almost, was denied at the same time I uttered the "what about us" sentence to my partner. We continued to see each other for some time, but finally the feelings grew cold and I don't know if there's something there to say any more...

The stereotypes exist because people find comfort in them, even they put their judgmental qualities aside for the sake of "belonging" in a social group. Furthermore, they are present in our minds because they are a trap for logic to fall into and think that what is often imposed by others, is not the right thing to think afterall.

If there's not a motive to drive you to another person then all we are is lone wolfs in the middle of a forest searching for food to keep us alive.